Dante Alighieri famously described the nine rings of Hell in Inferno, each one reserved for a different category of human wrongdoing, but I have always suspected that Dante left something out. Perhaps he was simply unmarried.
Because there are three additional rings of Hell that deserve consideration.
The Engagement Ring.
This is where you have proposed marriage and everyone congratulates you. You are thrilled. Your friends are thrilled. Your family is thrilled. Nobody seems particularly interested in telling you that you have just volunteered for a lifetime experiment in compromise, negotiation, emotional diplomacy, and deciding where to eat. You are too excited to notice. That is why this ring works so well.
The Wedding Ring.
You have now made the decision permanent, or at least considerably more expensive to reverse. Everyone tells you that marriage is wonderful. Then, almost immediately, married people begin telling you stories about their spouses that make you wonder whether "wonderful" has acquired a completely different meaning.
You hear things like:
"Marriage is all about communication."
"You have to choose your battles."
"Never go to bed angry."
And occasionally:
"Whatever you do, don't get married."
Naturally, you become confused.
The Suffer-Ring.
This final ring is reserved for those of us who remain unmarried while observing everybody else. You watch married couples arguing. You listen to them complain about each other. You hear them say they need "space." Then, five minutes later, they are holding hands.
You ask what is happening.
They say:
"You wouldn't understand. You're single."
You begin to suspect they may be right.
Then one of them looks you directly in the eye and says:
"You should get married. It's the best thing I ever did."
You look at their spouse. Their spouse looks back at you. There is a silence.
Suddenly, Dante's original nine rings seem remarkably incomplete. Perhaps the greatest mystery is not why people get married. It is why married people are so determined to convince unmarried people to join them.
Maybe Dante simply stopped at nine rings because he had never experienced the other three. Or perhaps he had. He just wasn't brave enough to write about them.