Opening Observation:

There is a curious phenomenon that appears almost everywhere in life. The person responsible for fixing a problem is often mistaken for the person responsible for creating it. A cleaner walks into a dirty room. The room is a mess. The cleaner did not create the mess. The cleaner was called because the mess already existed. Yet the moment the cleaner arrives; the problem becomes associated with them. The cleaner becomes the visible face of the problem. The more I thought about this, the more I began noticing it everywhere. Not just with cleaners, with people, with relationships, organizations, with life itself.

The Hidden Assumption:

We often assume that proximity implies responsibility. If someone is dealing with a problem, we unconsciously associate them with it. If someone is fixing something, we often forget they did not break it. The mind prefers simple connections. Problem. Person. Association. The complexity of causation gets lost.

The Curiosity:

Why do we so often confuse the person who inherited a problem with the person who created it, and why do the people trying to help sometimes become the targets of frustration?

The Exploration:

Consider a therapist. They did not create the trauma. Yet they spend their days dealing with its consequences. Consider a doctor. They did not create the illness. Yet they are expected to solve it. Consider a manager who inherits a struggling department. An advisor who inherits a failing project. A parent dealing with challenges they never caused. In each case, the person responsible for the repair becomes associated with the damage. Perhaps this happens because repair makes problems visible. The cleaner draws attention to the dirt. The therapist draws attention to the wound. The doctor draws attention to the illness. Before they arrived, the problem existed quietly. Their presence forces it into awareness, and awareness often seeks a target.

The Paradox:

The people willing to accept responsibility are frequently mistaken for the people responsible. In fact, many of life's most difficult burdens are inherited rather than created. A person may spend years solving problems that were handed to them by circumstances, systems, families, organizations, or decisions made by others. Yet society often focuses less on where the problem originated and more on who is currently dealing with it. Which leads to an uncomfortable reality. Life is not always interested in who caused the problem. Life is often more interested in who is willing to deal with it.

Closing Thought:

Perhaps one of the most overlooked forms of courage is accepting responsibility for something that was never your fault, not because you caused it, or deserved it, but because someone must deal with it, and you chose not to look away.

Thought-provoking reflections on life, identity and relationships, written in the style of a modern-day Socratic journal and told through poetic paradoxes and emotional honesty.

by Paul Strydom.

© Paul Strydom. All rights reserved.

No part of these publications or material may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the copyright holder, except in the case of brief quotations used in reviews, critical articles, or non-commercial references.

Read, reflect, agree, disagree, or just see things differently.

 

 

Copyright © Paul Strydom