‹ Back

“I apologise in advance, but I am going to…”

The apology sounds considerate, but perhaps it is actually a warning disguised as courtesy.

If we already know that what we are about to do will hurt someone, offend them, disappoint them, or cross a boundary, why do we do it?

Perhaps because we have discovered a convenient loophole in morality. We acknowledge the consequences before creating them, and somehow convince ourselves that awareness makes the behaviour more acceptable.

But knowing something is wrong does not make it right.

An apology is supposed to recognise harm after we have caused it. Apologising in advance can sometimes become something very different, a way of asking for forgiveness before we have even committed the offence.

It is almost as though we are saying, “I know this will hurt you, but I have already apologised, so perhaps you should accept it.”

But an apology does not erase intention. In fact, knowing beforehand makes the decision more deliberate, not less.

Perhaps the real test of character is not whether we are willing to apologise for what we do. It is whether we are willing to stop doing the thing we already know we will need to apologise for, because an apology after a mistake can demonstrate remorse.

An apology before a deliberate act can simply demonstrate awareness and knowing better, then choosing to do it anyway, is not innocence with an apology attached.

It is a decision with a disclaimer.